*Previously Published
Dear Mom,
It’s been almost 7 years.
Sometimes it feels like yesterday when I would hear you shouting, “Hey Dee” as I walked in the door. Other times it feels like it’s been a lifetime since that week.
The week that we celebrated our last Thanksgiving together and you played with your first grandchild, the only one you’d know. The week that we decorated the house for Christmas and I shared with you the name I’d want if I ever had a child, a little girl, of my own.
It’s hard to believe it was the same week that I stood writhing in pain as I watched them remove you from life support.
That breast cancer diagnosis forever changed our lives. I wish I could tell you that everything is fine without you….it’s not, but we move forward as we know you would want us to.
I always say you died from breast cancer. We both know that’s only partially true. The cancer was gone…. you were lucky and caught it early. It’s hard to explain that the treatment killed you. It’s hard to share that you were taken from us on your very last day of chemotherapy……a day that should have been full of celebrating.
Anaphylactic Reaction. Fatal. Rare. But it happens.
It happened to you.
It happened to us.
It changed me forever.
I try not to scare those who need chemotherapy, as it can be a necessary evil, but I want them to be informed, to ask questions……a gazillion questions. Get a second and third opinion. Bring someone just a step removed to the appointments so they really “hear” what the doctor says and takes notes. Ask even more questions. Know the risks.
You died……and my heart breaks every time I say it, or think it, or hear my little girl (the one you never met) say…..”your mommy will come back soon”.
Every 69 seconds a woman dies of breast cancer.
But you are more than a number, a statistic. You are my mom and I love you!
(Join me this month as I host my annual breast cancer awareness blog event in memory of my mom. It will be full of informational posts, personal posts, and a more).
How absolutely heartbreaking.
I lost my mom to colon cancer, and when other people bring up circumstances that mirror what happened to her, that time just floods back and the memories of what she went through are painfully clear. I’m keeping you in my prayers, I’m so sorry such a hurtful time is being brought to surface again. All my love. Please email if you ever need to vent. Losing a mom never gets easier, and I’m always around if you just need to talk to someone who has been there. Hugs & prayers. Thank you for sharing her story.
Thank you Shannon…..and I hate that we share this in common. Hugs and prayers to you as well!
You just said some tough words. Words that are hard to say even though we know they’re true.
Killed.
Died.
It tore at my heart but it will make an impression, a difference for someone who needs to hear those harsh words to save their own or a loved ones life.
I’m so proud of you and I love you so very much!!
Thank you Cathi……that means so much!
I have been thinking of you and your mom a lot these past few days. I was even going to email you as soon as I had a chance. I am coming up on the one year mark (11th) since my dad passed away very unexpectedly and just last week my aunt (my dad’s sister) was diagnosed with breast cancer. A few days later we found out my uncles cancer is back (my moms brother, he was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago, it has now spread to his lungs). Its been rough, but I often think of you and your mom, especially this time of year. I go with my aunt tomorrow to the doctor (she’s scheduled for surgery on the 12th) and I want you to know your moms story is always with me. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much!
I am so sorry about your aunt’s diagnosis…..I’m hopeful that the prognosis is good? I’ll keep her (and your entire family) in my prayers with the upcoming surgery and anniversary of losing your dad. October is a rough month for you too, I know.
Hugs!
When my mom was diagnosed with cancer (NHL) I found an instant peace come over me. Somehow I just knew she would be ok. But, during her last dose of chemo she got a staph infection in her port. They removed the port but the staph infection was relentless. 3 weeks of illness. I knew she would be cured of the cancer… but was never given peace over the infection. My mom finally recovered and is in remission still 3 years later. I wish your mom had been able to do the same. I understand your sorrow and I am praying for your continued comfort. Thank you so much for sharing. <3
Thank you for sharing Staci……and it’s so wonderful to hear that your mom is in remission. Give her a big hug for me!