This post is sponsored by Aflac. I was compensated for writing it, but all opinions are 100-percent mine.
There it was.
The familiarity of it hit hard.
The curves in the letters.
The penmanship was beautiful – like always.
I’d needed to see it today, though it was by accident that it was in my hands. But sometimes that’s how things work.
I’ve missed her more than usual. There have been a lot more tears flowing lately, though it’s been almost 10 years since I whispered goodbye in that hospital room.
You see I’ve learned the hard way that grief isn’t something you get through – as if there was another side that will let you escape. Grief is something you learn to live with everyday. The pain never completely goes away, it just gets easier to deal with life on a day to day basis. Though joy and laughter will eventually return, there are moments which will inevitably come where the pain is as vivid as the moment it first happened. Moments where you just curl up and cry…..even wail.
I’ve had a moment like that this week.
Breast cancer took my mom’s life years ago, yet even as an adult I find myself NEEDING her.
You know exactly what I’m talking about. MOM is the person you call and tell everything to, right? You get the dream job, you call MOM. The boy asks you to marry him, you call MOM. And those moments, when I called my mom, were amazing. She was always there, cheering me on.
But then there were the moments she hasn’t been there……big, life-changing moments. Like the time I found out I was expecting. Or during the first ultrasound when I heard the due date was actually my mom’s birthday. (WHAT?!?!) Or in the delivery room. Or Grandparents Day at school.
Funny thing is that sometimes it’s in the quiet moments where I miss her the most.
This week I found myself at home, alone, with a broken foot. And I cried like I haven’t cried in a long time. I think it was the looming anniversary of 10 years without her combined with the fact that I knew if my mom were alive, she’d be here at my house taking care of me and this silly foot. You know…….taking me to my Dr. appointments, picking up my daughter from school everyday, making dinner for my family. That’s just who she was.
Not having that hurts. Not having her hurts.
That’s why seeing her handwriting was something I needed. It was something so familiar. Her words to me, though written sometimes decades ago, calmed me.
CANCER.
BREAST CANCER.
I see the words and feel so many emotions – Love, Anger, Empathy, Faith, even Fear.
These words spur lots of conversations in my family and plenty of research. Having 2 grandmothers who were diagnosed with the disease on top of my own mother makes it a priority.
Conversations about Mammograms: It’s a priority for my sister and I (and has been ever since I was in my 30s, when I got a “baseline mammogram” to compare against all future ones). And though there are always changing guidelines on who should get a mammogram and when, remember to take your health into your own hands after much research and conversation…..and trust your gut!
Conversations about Genetic Testing: This is one that continues to be talked about. Since my sister and I are almost out of child-bearing years, we’ll probably revisit again soon.
Conversations about Cancer Insurance Policies: While I didn’t have full access to my mom’s medical bills, I saw enough. With 2 surgeries and 6 months of chemotherapy, I can only imagine the costs. Thankfully, my parents had health insurance – good insurance at that. But there were still out of pocket expenses, missed work and more.
Getting a breast cancer diagnosis is an incredibly stressful time. Treatment can bring even more stress, trust me. The last thing one needs is additional stress and it’s nice to know that a cancer insurance policy can be used not only for treatment expenses (not covered by major medical insurance), but also for extra child care that may be needed, transportation to and from the doctor or treatments, and even everyday living expenses, such as mortgage payments or groceries.
Can you imagine the relief that brings? As a mom of a young child, I like knowing that any child care needed would be covered with this type of cancer insurance policy.
It’s October and that usually means more conversations and reminders. That’s okay in my book because it means we are talking about breast cancer, something that hasn’t always easily been talked about, even during my lifetime.
This month Aflac will be partnering with the American Association for Cancer Research (AACR) again for its second annual This Duck Wears Pink campaign.
All net proceeds are going to the AACR for the specific purpose of funding research aimed at finding a cure for breast cancer.
Aflac supports the groundbreaking work of the AACR – the first and largest cancer research organization in the world with a membership of more than 35,000 professionals residing in 101 countries working on the front lines of the effort to eradicate cancer. The AACR backs every aspect of high-quality, innovative cancer research.
That’s important to my family……and the girls within – my sister, myself, and my 8 year old daughter.
Are you dealing with grief?
Has your life been touched by breast cancer?
Have you ever thought about a cancer insurance policy?
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
I wish I could give you a big hug. It could never make you feel better or miss your mother less. It would only make me feel better because my heart is breaking for you.
Your words touched the center of my being. You spoke from your heart and that is hard. I don’t think grief ever goes away or gets better. It just gets different and it can take years for that to happen.
Sadly, I’ve not thought about a cancer insurance policy. But I believe that any insurance that is affordable is a good thing. Life and health are unpredictable. Being prepared is a necessity.
… your mom is beautiful! You look so much like her. What a happy countenance she has! And your right, her handwriting is lovely!!
Thank you Cathi……your words mean the world to me. 🙂
Oh sweet friend! Hugs to you and a huge thank you for sharing! I know your Mom is so proud of you. Yesterday was five years since my husband, Kevin passed away. The grief is real and as you said, it’s something you learn to live with. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully, your foot continues to heal and you’re up and around soon. My own broken foot is proving to be much more challenging than I imagined. Hugs!
Oh Monica! Thanks for sharing your story……….XOXO
I never knew this plan was out there. My sister in law had breast cancer. They had insurance from Aflac, I am not sure if it was this plan. But it helped them tremendously. Even for hotel rooms for my brother to stay while she was in the hospital. This is a great investment. You never know when you may need it.
I’m glad I’ve learned about the supplemental plans too Amy…….and what a financial relief for your brother to have had hotel stays paid for.
I completely understand. My lost my Mom to breast cancer 8 1/2 years ago. She had a total battle of almost 10 years. She never had treatment (had no insurance) made it to her year 5 and it was obvious it had come back on her incision line from her mastectomy. She made it another 4 1/2 but about year 6 you could notice things changing. She was having small seizures and her bones just ached. When it hit full force in Oct she was gone by April. I had to travel out of state to say Goodbye. I should reconsider AFLAC. I hope your foot gets better. Hugs your way!
Thank you so much Colleen and I hate that we share this in common. I cannot imagine how difficult it was to watch your mom over a long period of time suffer and without treatment or insurance. Definitely consider supplemental insurance for yourself!! HUGS!!
Seeing that picture of her and reading the depth of your emotion touches me so deeply. I know why you are the wonderful woman you are. When we are hurt, it doesn’t matter if we are 4, 14, or 44, we want our moms. No one loves us the same. I wish she was there for you but I do know she is there with you.
Hugs!
<3
Traci
Love you Traci!!! Thanks!
I’m so sorry for your pain. Cancer has left us without many of our family members too, and you are right, we never really get over it. Life just kind of forces us to move on,,,, even if the heart hasn’t recovered yet.
Thank you Hannah…….sometimes it takes the heart the longest. 🙂 XOXO
I’m so sorry for your loss. My aunt was a breast cancer survivor. She passed away a few months ago unexpectedly and I’m having a hard time without her. She was so kind, funny and just a beautiful person. I hate cancer. My sister & I are both cancer survivors, not breast cancer. The pain never goes away but as you said it gets a little easier to go on with life. I’ll keep you in my prayers. God Bless
Thank you Sue! I’m so sorry for your loss with your aunt. How hard it must be right now, especially for you and your sister as survivors. Hang in there and I’ll keep you in my prayers as well!
I so hate Cancer,,it took my little brother 3 yrs ago,,at age 52,i miss him so much,we were very close ,,11 months before he passed my mom passed at age 83,,she had a good life and im glad she went before he did,cause i dont think she could have borne that pain,,he was the only boy and the baby too,so he was spoiled by her and this 2 big sisters alot,,i feel your pain,ive lost both parents and a brother,,but i have been blessed with 14 beautiful grandchildren,so life continues even though we miss what we have lost
Oh Vickie, I’m so sorry. I can relate a bit as my Grandfather passed just 3 months before my mom did. While it has been incredibly, doubly hard for my Grandmother, we all agree that he couldn’t have handled watching my mother pass away. It was a blessing in disguise. And you – with 14 grandchildren – blessings indeed! Thanks for sharing your heart Vickie!
Thank you for posting this, so many of us have lost those we love to cancer and I feel your heartache. Thank you for being so open and honest.
My mom is a 2 time breast cancer survivor. The first was about 37 years ago and the second was 10 years ago now. I was under the impression breast cancer was easily detected and fully survivable, until a friend of mine told me her sister was diagnosed stage 3 even after having a clean mammogram just 7 months prior. I was still optimistic as so many survive and she was only in her 40’s. 3 weeks after her surgery things took a turn for the worse and she became extremely sick. 11 days later she was gone. That was very fast! Early detection works but does not catch everything. SCARRY!
I’m so sorry that we share this in common 🙁 It can move so fast.