Walking up the stairs, I had on my best poker face.
I could do this.
I signed in and was given the standard forms to fill out. You know….name, date of birth, insurance, family history. I started to feel it then…..the tears. I managed to keep them at bay long enough to hand the forms back at the front desk. I went and sat. And waited for my turn.
I was so focused on “THE” big thing, that I’d forgotten. I had to go ask for my paperwork back. Just great…..I was losing my mind.
I looked at my handwriting:
Mother – Breast Cancer – Deceased
Then I added:
Maternal Grandmother – Breast Cancer
Paternal Grandmother – Breast Cancer
How could I have forgotten? I kicked myself for leaving the “other” breast cancer history out of my paperwork. They’d want to see it all. Maybe they’d “look” a bit harder if they saw my history.
Then my name was called and I took a deep breath. I’d never been there before. I was shown to a small dressing room and given a gown along with a cute bag to put my things in. It’s there I start to cry.
Part of it was the unknown. I’d never had a mammogram before. I’d never had the opportunity to ask my mom what it was like. Would it be painful?
Part of it was a different fear. Cancer. Yes, mom was in her 50’s. The others were much older than that. BUT….
Part of it was hurt. My mom was gone.
I was scared.
(Please join me for my 4th annual breast cancer awareness event in memory of my mom. From personal posts to informational posts and more, there’s something for everyone. For those of you who might fear getting a mammogram, please know that it can be hard for so many of us, but it truly is necessary.)